Read A Lady Awakened by Cecilia Grant Free Online
Book Title: A Lady Awakened|
The author of the book: Cecilia Grant
Edition: Tantor Media
Date of issue: 2012
ISBN: No data
ISBN 13: No data
City - Country: No data
Loaded: 1244 times
Reader ratings: 4.1
Format files: PDF
The size of the: 8.81 MB
Read full description of the books:
Good grief. This was just...I don't even know. Excuse me while I lick my wounds.
A LADY AWAKENED; or, MAULED BY TEH FEELZ.
MARTHA: I am prim & proper & devoid of emotion. I have successfully smothered Feelz since I was a child. Feelz are good for nothing. Feelz have no place in life.
LAWYER: So, hey. There's a problem with your husband's will.
MARTHA: It had better not demand Feelz.
LAWYER: No, it's demanding your departure from this house.
MARTHA: Oh, that's right. My marriage sucked from day one, but I never told anyone. Talking about marriage is acknowledging Feelz, & I can't do that.
MARTHA'S BROTHER: What the hell, sister?! Come live with me & my wife. For some bizarre reason, we care about what happens to you.
MARTHA: No. I am alone. I want my independence. I'd rather stay here & socially reform my tenants & make all the little children attend school. Did you know women can better themselves through education?
LAWYER: Whatever. If you had an heir, you could stay.
MARTHA: But my husband was impotent.
LAWYER: In that case, his Evul Brother will take the house & rape the female servants. Have a nice day.
MARTHA: I can't have a nice day. I devote my energy to emotionally distancing myself from life's hideous Feelz. Oh, the angst. I'd better go to church & talk about my school.
PREACHER: I am sending really obvious signals that I'd marry you if you weren't in mourning.
MARTHA: I can't acknowledge those signals. I can't show Feelz. Meanwhile, my husband is dead & I've got no baby. How can I circumvent this inconvenience?
MARTHA'S MAID: Your new neighbor is a beta woobie-rake.
MARTHA: Hmm. If this guy knocked me up, I could claim the baby is my dead husband's heir. I could save the servants from being raped & continue campaigning for my tenant school. It's a perfect solution!
THEO: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....church is boring.
MARTHA: You're my new neighbor. You're sleeping in church. You offend me with your Feelz. I'll pay you to have sex with me every day for a month.
MARTHA: If you get me pregnant, I'll pay you extra.
THEO: Mrs Robinson, are you trying to seduce me?
MARTHA: I'm barely 21 years old. And seduction is for Feelz, which I don't have.
THEO: Well...okay. But don't you want to get to know me first?
MARTHA: I don't care so long as you're free of STDs. Sex is gross.
THEO: Well...okay. But don't you want me to caress you a bit & learn what you like?
MARTHA: I don't care about caresses. Foreplay is for pansies.
THEO: Well...okay. But don't you want me to make you feel nice while we're having sex?
MARTHA: I don't care about feeling nice. Feeling nice is unacceptable.
THEO: I don't understand why you're determined to hate my cock after you paid to use it.
MARTHA: And I don't understand why men are so lame. Men don't acknowledge that women have Feelz! They don't get to know us before sticking their peens between our legs! They don't try to learn what we like! They don't care about making us feel nice while we're being forced to have sex! THEY HATE OUR FEELZ, YOU SEE?
THEO: You're an odd woman.
MARTHA: Oh, sorry. Is my attitude preventing you from getting a proper erection?
THEO: Yeah, actually.
MARTHA: You mean...
THEO: Uh-huh. You'll have to enjoy yourself to get my all-important juices flowing.
MARTHA: But...but...I refuse to like sex. Sex is the devil's road to Feelz.
THEO: Okay, seriously. What the fuck is wrong with you?
MARTHA: I refuse to talk about having Feelz.
THEO: Hey, now! I have Feelz too! I have mommy issues.
MARTHA: That's because you haven't invested yourself in bettering society. Have I told you about my reform school?
THEO: It's hot when you're an anachronistic feminist. Let me kiss your boob or something.
MARTHA: Forget touching my boob. I'll never enjoy sex, so stop trying. It's giving me Feelz.
THEO: I'm sorry, Martha. I'm only giving you Feelz because you're giving me Feelz. Let me tell you how I was emotionally affected by visiting my poorest tenants this afternoon.
MARTHA: The plight of the children is horrible. I want them to attend school regularly.
...At which point I reached page 80. When I skipped ahead to page 200-something, Theo was insisting Martha tie him up with her stockings & learn to enjoy being on top & in control of their sexual relationship.
SO MUCH NO.
Two stars because there were some pretty sentences. But I won't be trying any more of this author unless she dials down the pointless, plotless angst.
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Read information about the authorI write Regency-set historical romance with a high angst-to-plot ratio. I specialize in hard-headed heroines and good-hearted heroes. So far.
A word about the "reviews" I post here: Please think of them as recommendations rather than reviews. If I like a book, I'll list it here and scrawl a few sentences about why I liked it. I've gone back and forth about whether to use stars (it feels like a sledgehammer approach to something pretty intricate), and at the moment I'm back to using them. Mostly because I'm slow about writing reviews, and there were a lot of books I wanted to go on record as having enjoyed!
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